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On December 22, 2020, I have been married to my husband for seven years( if the Lord says the same). To say that it has not been easy is an understatement. In fact, there was a time that I did not feel like it was going to work.
It was 2017, my husband and I had been married for three and a half years. Our daughter had just turned one. A situation happened that caused us to separate. I just knew it was over, but God felt differently. We were apart from then until November of 2019. During our separation I was not my happy go lucky self. I was sad and bitter. Everyone that knew me before noticed the change in me. I had lost all faith in the institution of marriage. Which also means that I had lost faith in God. The reason is that my entire relationship was built on the relationship that we both had with God. We met in a church, we spent most of our time in church serving God's people. He was a minister and I was a children's bible study teacher and I also sung in the choir. So losing my connection with him caused me to disconnect from myself. I felt like I was doing everything right. We had premarital counseling with our Pastor. There was no sex before marriage or kissing. Which was totally opposite from how I usually interacted with men. Somehow it was not working. I now realize that God was in the midst of it in spite of. During our time apart, He was refining me and making me stronger. Pastor Landry said something to me at the time of our separation that showed that God was speaking through him. He said, "You can separate from him for a season, but you can not get a divorce. I am glad to have a spirit filled leader. He provided wise counsel in a time of need. After years of holding resentment and animosity in my heart. My burden was lifted when I visited a church a friend had invited me to. Pastor Ron Levias spoke life into my situation. It's been over a year since that day. We are taking it day by day, praying for one another and putting God first and keeping this scripture in our hearts; "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate" Mark 10:9 New International Version In conclusion I encourage you to put God first in your marriage. Ask him for wisdom concerning your spouse and wait for His response. Thank you for reading my thoughts. God bless you.
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As the year draws to an end, I am filled with a lot of emotion. I know that it is nothing but God's grace and mercy that has kept me here. The devil has been attacking me every since I wrote and published my book. I can remember during one of my conversations with my publisher warning me that it was going to happen. The reason is because I told of the goodness of God and the role He has played in my life.
In a year filled with uncertainty, God has remained the same, yesterday, today and forever. I am writing this blog to encourage someone who needs to be encouraged. If it is anything 2020 has taught me is that people are not who they appear to be. It is not easy for me to witness the people who I once considered a "friend" turn their back on me. Then I think about how Jesus was stabbed in the back by someone who was close to Him and suddenly I don't feel so bad. I keep hearing everyone say, "I can't wait for this year to be over" and "this is the worst year we ever had". I am glad to say that I do not feel the same way. In fact, this has been a great year for me, I wrote and published my first book, I am back in school studying to get my BA in education studies and I am alive! I feel so good about where I am in life right now. Sad to say, but to protect my peace, I had to let go of some people. As I said in my book, people come into your life as a lesson or a blessing. That decision was preached to me all year. It was hard, but it had to be done. Let's just say I think I have learned a lot of lessons, I am ready for my blessings. So I say to you all, whatever you are going through, God's got a blessing with your name on it. Thank you for reading my thoughts. God bless you Tomorrow I will be starting my first day of school at Ashford University. I am looking forward to this new journey in my life that God has allowed me to take. However, I must admit that I am also a little nervous. But I know that I am capable of achieving my goal of getting my B.A. in Education, if the Lord says the same.
I realized recently that I have been taking classes at a community college level since the nineties. After I received a copy of my transcripts. I could not believe I had been in school for so long. I felt as though I was wasting my time. That was until I talked with my college advisor. Who informed me that because of all of the classes I took, and passed. That I will be starting off as a junior instead of a freshmen. That news gave me a boost to my confidence to say the least. I feel so motivated. Although I turned 46 on September the second. I still have much more ahead of me. If God continues to give me the gift of life. I plan to not only get my B.A. in Education, but also my Master's degree in Special Education and my P.HD in a related field. I also plan to write more books. I have always had a desire to take the stereo types off of people living and learning on the "Spectrum". I believe that every child is unique and wonderfully made by God. No one has the write to tell them other wise. My book will address this. I have also gotten so much feedback from my book , "Abused But Not Abandoned" about wanting to read more. That I have decided to write a second and maybe third book. So in conclusion, I encourage you to never get so caught up in your current situation that you forget to dream. You can accomplish anything you put your mind to. All you need is faith. Faith in God and faith in yourself. I am living proof that it is never too late. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. God bless you. I was cleaning out one of my dresser drawers and I came across my old prayer book from 2016. As I begin to read through it I couldn't help but rejoice. Do you know that every one of my prayers have been answered. Things I thought were impossible have been made possible. God has continued to show me favor over all my circumstances.
Have you ever went through a season where you felt like God was not hearing your prayers? I can relate because at the time I prayed these prayers I felt like God forgot about me. I am so happy that He didn't. You might say to yourself, "How do you know that He has not forgotten about you?" Let me tell you how I know. I have had all of my needs meant during this pandemic. When I tell you I haven't had a runny nose or a cough. As a matter of fact I have been in the best of health. I know that it is nothing but the blood of Jesus. If you don't know Him. I invite you to get to know Him while you still have the chance. I offer you the plan of salvation; Romans 10:9 "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved." That's all you have to do. I'm a witness that my life knowing God and striving to do His will is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Aren't you tired of living and unfulfilling life? I was too. I'm going to leave you with one of my favorite song lyrics. It's called "Be Blessed" by Bishop Paul S. Morton: "Be blessed my brother, be blessed my sister, be blessed wherever this life leads you. Let me encourage you, let me speak life to you. You can depend on God to see you through, and you can depend on me to pray for you". Feel free to listen to the whole song. May it encourage you. Thank you for reading my thoughts. God bless you!! Have you ever felt like you lost a part of yourself? I have. For the past couple of years I have felt that somehow I lost a piece of ME! I am sad to say it was my connection with God. My daughter always tells me that the first step to fixing a problem. Is admitting that you have one in the first place. In 2011 I can remember I was on fire for the LORD. I went to every bible study, church service and prayer meetings I could find. I was eager to dwell in His presence. I read the bible three times , Genesis to Revelation, Revelation to Genesis and back again. The feeling I got from reading His word was like no other. I say this because I can also remember a time when I was so deep in sin that I didn't understand a word of the bible. hat is why this meant a lot to me.
Then I hit my drought. I wasn't as interested in reading His word. All day church services no longer appealed to me and the only prayers I could say was two to three words(help me LORD, or fix it Jesus). I am speaking to someone who is in that place right now. Life has hit you so hard that you can't imagine things changing. But aren't you glad that trouble don't last always. I am a witness that you can get out of that place. For the past couple of weeks. Every morning before I go on social media I spend my first waking hours with God. I have been looking at sermons on YouTube. Sermons that speak to my situation. My favorite person to watch at the moment is Sarah Jakes Roberts. She has a way of breaking down the bible in a way that catches my attention. After I watch a sermon I listen to gospel music. I'm glad to say I feel my soul being repaired. The fire is starting to blaze and God is using the sermons to take me higher. If you find yourself feeling this way, I suggest you find your way back to God. There is no place like home!! Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. God bless you. As my birthday approaches, I have mixed emotions. If you have read my book "Abused But Not Abandoned" then you know a little bit of what has took place in my life. That was just a fraction of what I have been through. There is a gospel song that say's;
"As I look back over my life, and I think things over, I can truly say that I been blessed, I got a testimony". That is what I am feeling right now. I can remember when I valued my self worth on how many men found me attractive. I can also remember when I would drink to the point where I would pass out. I am thankful to God that my reckless behavior didn't have a long lasting effect. Instead of being a memory I am reaping benefits from God that I don't deserve. Last year around my birthday. I had so many plans. I wanted to have a big 45th birthday bash. It is true what it say's in the bible; "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is evil thereof". Matthew 6:34 KJV What this scripture means to me is , do not worry about tomorrow, what will be will be. Needless to say I did not have a birthday party. After breaking my wrist, I didn't feel like doing anything. This year however is not how I am feeling this year. I am in a different state of mind. I feel like God is showing me that He has work for me to do. He showed me this when He laid His spirit on me to allowed me to write and publish my book in less than three months. He has repaired my relationships with people that I had given up on. Everyday that I wake up God gives me a chance to be better. Be a better wife, a better parent and person. So this year for my birthday I am celebrating the fact that I AM LOVED!! By God, by my husband, by my children and granddaughter and I LOVE ME!!! Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. God bless you. I woke up this morning feeling GREAT! Which has been a struggle lately. Maybe it is the since of uncertainty I have been feeling. You see when I feel I can not control a situation it gives me anxiety. I know as a disciple of Christ , that is contrary to God's word. Please don't get it confused, I believe that God will supply all my needs.
{But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus}.Philippians 4:19 KJV I know that all I have to do is ask and He will work it all. It's the waiting that I need help with. While I am in the mist of whatever trial I am going through at the moment, this scripture is the furthest thought from my mind. Why? I don't know . What I do know is that when I was in my addiction, He freed me. When I was lost He found me. When I was broken He repaired me. When I cried out He heard me. I remember when I was twenty. My mother and I decided we wanted to leave California. We moved to Atlanta. We thought that we had all our ducks in a row. She had a friend who had recently moved there . The plan was we would stay with her and her family, and we would find jobs. However when we arrived in Atlanta. That plan didn't work out. My mother was a nurse . She thought that it would be easy for her to transfer her nursing license from California to Georgia. But as it turned out, the state of Georgia had a freeze on out of state transfers. That was the first problem we encountered. The living situation with my mother's friend and her family was not working out either. We had to find somewhere else to stay. Luckily we had saved some money before we moved there so we found a hotel to stay in. After two weeks of being in Atlanta. My mother started to get sick. I knew the stress was starting to take a toll on her. To make matters worst , the money we had with us was starting to run out. I had to find a job to take care of myself and my mother. I got a job working as a customer service representative at a call center. The pay that I was receiving was not enough for us to stay in the hotel. We didn't know what we were going to do. We had to do something, and fast. I began to pray. God put it on my heart to tell my mother it was time for us to move on. We went back to our home state of New Jersey to stay with family. Even in that situation, God provided and supplied ALL our needs. Trust Him! Thanks for reading my thoughts. The question", what"s on your mind?" , is seen every time you log onto Facebook. Lately I have had a hard time writing. I have struggled with topics to write about in my blog. Maybe it is because I place so much on what other people think. That I forget the reason why I started to write a blog in the first place. You see although I value what other people might think. It is not the main focus of my journey as a writer. I started writing this blog to encourage others and to become a better writer. So if you see a grammatical error or something else that catches your eye, keep that in mind.
Last week as I was watching Court TV , I became very sad. The reason for my sadness was because of all the children that were dying. As a mother this makes my heart ache. I began to cry and pray. I prayed for the children in Idaho who were found buried in a pet cemetary. I prayed for the little boy in San Francisco who was shot on the fourth of July. I prayed for the little girl in Atlanta who was shot on her way to the store. I prayed for the countless other children who have died . If it grieves me I know that God is not pleased. I also prayed for the families of those children. Sadly some of those parents were the cause of their own child's death. . Although I believe in the power of prayer. I still feel powerless. Satan is running rapid and everyone is so focused on COVID-19, that they are not paying attention to what is happening. Don't get me wrong I undersatand that people are losing loved ones. I also understand that God has the final say. Prayer has always been my way of dealing with these type of situations. So I encourage you, if you are going through turmoil, or lost. Turn to God and know it's already done. ,, In life we come in contact with many different types of people. Some of these people impact our life in a positive way and some in a negative way. Unfortunately we don't know which one we are dealing with until something bad happens. Now we all know that God doesn't put more on us than we can bare. He also gives us free will. That is the ability to make our own choices. Rather we choose right or wrong ,that is up to us. There are also those times that He has a purpose for your life, and the things you go through help you to fulfill that purpose.
Have you ever saw someone who was in a domestic violence relationship and wondered. Why is she/he still with him/her? Speaking from the point of view of someone who has been there. It is not as easy to get out as you might think. Once you are caught up, it is nearly impossible to get out. There are some people who never make it out. Statistics say that on average, twenty people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. These numbers are extraordinary. I thank God that by His power and the prayer of others. I am here today to share my story. At the age of twenty seven. I became a victim of domestic violence. You might be wondering, how did I not recognize the red flags? Well I will tell you how. It started off gradually. At first there was the verbal abuse. I was called everything from A to Z. Except for a child of God. Next came the mental/emotional abuse. He used my own short comings and insecurities to manipulate me. And then finally there was the physical abuse. During this time I felt like I deserved it. I started to question my very existence. Let me tell you , there is no other pain than self hate. Recently , during bible study. The teacher asked us a question. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt oppressed? My answer was yes . I said yes because I allowed him to have power and control in and over my life. I am still healing from it. Although the bruises are no longer visible. The pain associated with them still remain. I now know that it wasn't me at all. It was him! His insecurities and lack of self control, that caused him to treat me this way. As I look back on this situation. It reinforces the fact that, I am a child of God and a survivor. But while I was going through I did not feel like either. I thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. God bless you. Thank you I am the mother of three children. I make it a practice to not show favoritism between them. However my bonds that I have with each of them are different. My first born and I love musicals. My son and I like to talk about current events. My baby and I like to color and read together. All three of them have taught me something . My oldest daughter has taught me unconditional love. I made a lot of mistakes raising her, but she has never held them against me. My middle child, who is also my only son. Has taught me resilience. In his sixteen years, with all the challenges he has faced. He never gave up. My youngest, my baby, has taught me patience. She is always asking question's. Her curiosity about everything, encourages me to learn more.
Children are a blessing from God. There are so many women who are unable to have children. With the recent death of "George Floyd". I feel so much empathy for his mother, and all the other mother's who have had to deal with the death of a child. We can only teach our children right from wrong. And pray daily for God to protect them from this harsh and cruel world. And that they make the right choices. Just the thought of any of my children dying before me causes my spirit to grieve. How do we raise our children in a world that's different from the world we were raised in? Don't be afraid to talk to your children about things that happen in the world. I know you might feel like they are to young to understand. Some conversation is better than no conversation. Show interest in your children's life. Show them that there important to you. Celebrate all their accomplishments. Be transparent. You as the parent are the first teacher. Thank you for reading my thoughts. Comments are welcomed. |
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